You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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