I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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