she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
