I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
