He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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