I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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