Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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