do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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