she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
