My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
