Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My ass is underappreciated
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
