WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
bring money and cleavage
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
