I think I am morally bankrupt
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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