Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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