the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
