honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
