A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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