she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
