well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I would ride that face into the sunset
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
