we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
