I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
