I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
