omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
