PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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