i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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