I wanna passion pit in your ass
We named our party play list daddy issues
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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