Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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