just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
