Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
