Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
