yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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