Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
