dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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