I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Blood and glitter go together right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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