I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
