absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
