That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
