Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
