Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
