She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
