It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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