literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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