At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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