dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
