he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ketchup is God's man juice
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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