I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
