Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
