Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
