There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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