He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Farmville is her only friend.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
