there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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