Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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